4.30.2024

Love everyone sorry im nto doing well

Im bored and i really dont wanna do my programming work because nothing is working. I dont wanna talk to anyone but my gf

Im not gonna do a full redesign, but im gonna try and implement more pages that I just dont have links to.

I wish i was home so i could lock myself in my room

4.29.2024

I hate having friends its so much work

I wish my site was still like it was in 2022 or whenver i made this shit. I didnt tell any of my friends about it and i could rant and vent here all i want without them ever having to know it was me behind the screen. But now i have to "be nice" or some shit i dunno

I am actively ruining the only good thing I have going for me and I dont know if I care or not

I hate knowing they can function without me because I should be the center of everyones attention no matter what. But at the same time Ill lose my shit if youre nice to me right now because i dont believe you. youre lying to me and I want you dead dont lead me on by pretending you actually care about me and see me as an equal

All my friends hate me so i hate them too. i dont want to be surrounded by people anymore i want to disapear forever and just die

the work in question, by the way, is being a normal human being and having empathy for those who I care about. god forbid!

but at the same time i am so terrified of losing her even though I know im doing this to myself. sheprobably hates me and shes probably lying to me too and I dont wanna live lik this anymoere

Why does everyone hate me whyare they all talking about me i cant do this its so unfairfuckfuck fuck fuck my dad is home i think im gonna lose it

I need to cut them off ebefore they all turn on me i cant do this

4.28.2024

Ohmy god id leave that stupid server if my rles didnt mean the world to me

i need my power its the olny thing keeping me afloat

can my stupid friends just diealready im tired of having to deal with people

they didnt evendo anything i just want out i want out i hate you all i hateoyu>

4.27.2024

Everyone hates me so i want them all dead

youdont have the right to dislike me ihate you all too i ahte you i hate you i hate you

Nobody talk to me or ill slit my wristsand send you pictures

I haetthem i hate them get away from themo h my god

Youre supposed to like me not them

this is so stupid

4.26.2024

Community service after school

hanging ou with girlfrind

I am tired I want her to slepe over but idk if my parents will let her/if she wants to

maybe ill ask or just wait until she sees this

4.25.2024

I have a discord server now if anyone wants 2 join.... heh...

itz linked on the homepage :3 but ill put it here too jus in case lala

click 4 server!!

4.23.2024

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GIRLFRIEND BERK LALALALA

You guys should chek out her super awesome website :3

I want to eat a person

4.20.2024

JESUS ITS BEEN 12 DAYS. ANYWAY. I had junior prom on the 13th!! Went with my gf lalala :3

I was granted executive permission to post these (I asked nicely) so here's prom pix !!

I also went w/ my friends Tommy n Ava, I just chose pix without them cuz I forogr to ask if I could post them

4.8.2024

IMBSC+CJ IN SCHOOL!!!

Im so hapy cuz i missed everyone so bad lalala

i get t see my super awesome sauce girlfriend!!!!! and theres a solar eclipse today so im being dismissed FUCK YEA

Anyway my tummy hurts bye bye

3.31.2024

easter

anyway im bored lalallalalalalallalalalalala okay bye chat

3.28.2024

Im alive chat lalalal im gonna see Tommyinnit's how to become a millionaire tour tonite in Atlanta :3

Ill update tmr on how it goes!!!!

3.27.2024

Uhhhh my school is on hold? which means basically we cant leave our classroom or anything. So i SHOULD be in programming rn but instead im still in my world mytho class.

Rumours were that the Lowes across the street got robbed, but my friend works there, and he says it didnt after talking to his manager. Sooooo no idea whats going on but we cant leave ig!

I kinda like missing class and just doing nothing, tbh, its awesome. Im just sitting in here on my computer doing nothing :3

Anyway ill update tmr to let u know im not dead, byeee

3.26.2024

Everything hurts and i feel mental

Ijust want the best for my friends cuz i lvoe them a lot but ifeel like i cant be around them right now

like uhghughuhufhdhsg i deleted discord bc i feel like if i stayed on the app any longer, i wouldve deleted the entire server instead. And they would hate me for that. so idk uhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wish my brain wasnt weird

I took my meds and now my stomach hurts i think everything is bad. I miss my girlfriend but i feel like shit because I know i stressed her out yesterday and i just feel so bad. I neverwant her to feel stressed or worried cuz of me jesus why dnt i think before i say shit>????

3.24.2024

gave my therapist my website (hi!)

do not fear! My posts wont become any less deluded! anyway I have a patreon now pls give me money i want your money GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!!!!!!!!!

My tummy hurts I am dying of death.... this is my final message... gootbye world...

3.20.2024

Home alone

Gonna be home alone for the next few hours, trying not to be bored and lazy

5oz ughhhhhhhh ok my tummy hurts. gonna watch youtube and maybe play undertale

3.18.2024

YESTERDAY WAS MY FRIEND PIAN'S BIRTHDAYYY Shes 14 now everyne say happy birthday :33

Sorry for not updating in fucking ages im just very busy,, im doing stuff for programming n shit. And im trying to get a lot of art projects done atm. its this whole thing

Anwyay im busy might update later if i can

3.7.2024

Guys i have so much to do and i dont wanna do any of it. Like as im writing this i should be doing a psychoanalysis on Riley from fuckin Inside Out. But no. Im being a nerd and updating my nerdsite instead.

on the bright side, there was a call for webdesign work in my programming class and I get to do it!!!!!!!! Im literally so hyped u have actually no idea. We primarily do circuit python in that class (I do not know any circuit python. I only know how to make shapes n shit.) so when he said "web design" I PERKED UP SO FAST BRO. I was paying zero attention until he said that. Suddenly im rlly fuckin invested

Basically we're making mario kart but irl with robots bc our class hates us and wants us to suffer in code hell. So honestly my plan is so make the site cyuute and force the other kid who volunteered to do all the update work cuz. Man. I got enough on my plate. Im here for the html not for the javascript, thats gay

Also I saw the EMDR therapist for the first time like last week prob. kinda freaked up my weekend. Made me cry. Ill indulge you guys with that story tmr bc this post is already too long and i want to watch youtube

3.6.2024

Im a #wombhater

Anyway I have a screenplay project for world mytho and im prob just gonna write some weird finnotomy shit. lowkey. Or maybe something Crowbar related idk!

Also its raining outside and im joyous cuz i love the rain AND my dad got me a sparkling ice drink and i am absolutely living it up rn. JOY TO THE WORLD!!!!!!!!

Okay bye fags i have nothing to report on today.

3.5.2024

ligma

Ligma BALLS! 🛵

I have a presentation today PROBABLY in prog and i rly dont wanna do it. ugh. Also FSR is meant to update tmr and I havent even finished the one panel I decided to work on (I started yesterday.) So hhh guess we'll see what happens, cuz I wanna try updating consistently again :3

ALSO BERK IS BACK AT SCHOOL FUCK YEA WOOOOO IM SO HAPPY :333

3.1.2024

I miss my gf havent seen hr in like 6 days. almost a WEEK!!! tf. I hate her i hope she dies eye are ell.

She sucks and should die from mono or wahtever she has. UGH!!!

Shes so fake I MSIS HER PLS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH.

And my freaking tummy hurts

2.29.2024

ITS LEAP YEAR!!!!!!!!!!

Leap year is so cool 2 me tbh, but its also so weird. Idk! I like it its cool. I knew a kid with a birthday on the 29th, and they just let him choose a random date to be his birthday for most of the year. Happy birthday to that kid!! Dont remember his name but he was chill iirc :3

We're looking at Asian mythology in my world mytho class now, also my stomach hurts so fucking bad :,) Also we have to write a scary story and I still havent done that so im gonna get on that, byeee

2.28.2024

I MISS BERK I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!!! She's sick rn and i am so very sad and lonely UGH!!!

Berk feel better soon love u.

I don want her to come to school if shes really really really sick but UGH!!!!!!! im grrrrrr

I just feel very stressed out idk (unrelated.i just am>????) I feel very clingy right now ugh this is so gay and faggy and gay.

Berk feel better soon

2.20.2024

Get to hangout with best friend whom i am dating today. we r gonna watch adventrue time and do work!!!!!!!

SOCIETY IS GREAT!!!!!

i am regressig

2.19.2024

the way i didnt do any of the shit i said i was gonna do when i got home.

Also its president's day so i shoudlny even be here its literally a holiday. why does joe biden want me to kill myslef????????

In all seriousness, i'm being enrolled in EMDR therepy so thats fun. If i get boring, you know why :/ uhghhhhh dude i dont even know what i can tell her, when i do start seeing her, because i was reading the paperwork and shes legally required to report self harm and sexual exploitation/abuse. Like MAN i just want u to cure me. u dont gotta tell my parents all the lore while ur at it.

idk. im worried. we've been trying to get an appointment with her for almost a year now, so, this shit better work or im not gonna be happy

2.15.2024

Tummy hurts might just freaking die. I had the option to skip school with my aunt, but i chose not to bc i hate missing AP psych. Cuz what if i miss osmeting important and then i just die??

And im trying not to turn anything in late this year, so being absent is just gonna fuck that up. My whole family got sick recently, and tbh i think the only reason i made it out alive was sheer willpower to continue going to school

Anyway uhh i have nothing 2 do bc my 3d print is done, i just have to fortify it when i get home and sand it down a bit. Not too big of a deal, really. I dont have a lot else going on today so I kinda wish I skipped. Maybe tmr!!

2.14.2024

Happy valentines day!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY I JUST WANNA STIM MYSELF TO DEATH

Berg got me these 2 cats and theyre so soft i love them theyre sitting on my desk rn :333 and he got me these like chocolate stick things that r SO GOOD. the last time i had these things was like 2016 dude. and i stole them from my mom.

ADNTHE CARD WAS LIKE THE SWEETEST THING EEVR HFDGJEFKJHGUE UGH. UEGHFS i HATE berk i want her to fucking die.

I got her chocolates and a miku figure and a ringpop and a card with Banica drawn on it.!!!! i dont usually even pay attention to valentines day, tody is rlly good tho YIPPEE

2.13.2024

soooooo freaking deluded. sooooo freaking cute abt it tho

I got a 90 and a 93 on my two psych tests YIPPE!!!!! Im a genius guys literally a child prodigy...

uhhh ok tmr is valentines day or something gay like that. I need to go to the store and get something bc im a real one.. Ugh i hate getting gifts bc what if they dont like it bro. what if my gift sucks ASS!!

We live in a flippin society guys. a FLIPPIN society. BUt also I get free food tonite with my friend so that fucks

Ok i have nothing left to say (theresnothing left to saaaaayyy [thats the ending song from fionna and cake]) bye

2.12.2024

Its super rainy and foggy and misty today and im rlly happy

I feel very melancholy but in a cute way, I feel a lil fucked up but in a cute way

I have to take notes for psychology, we have a test tomorrow. I know all the stuff but sitting at my desk and doing work makes me feel powerful. So thats why im waiting to do it at home rather than at school. Now im just killing time while listening to Rio Romeo

I updated the WNGO literature on Toyhouse, i cant link it because toyhouse is blocked on my school pc bc god hates me and wants me dead

Its kiiiinda more personal than the other chapters so keep that in mind when reading, if you do, and do NOT skip the warnings.

On an unrelated note, I saw her today. Its nothing jaw dropping, since we go to the same school, but seeing people interact with her like she isnt like. A crazy terrible person. Is just insane to me. Its not their fault they they dont know her, but shit, it just feels weird

I totally miss her tho

2.11.2024

I love my gf :3

2.9.2024

Hey guys. I am currently waiting six hours for Yandere simulator to install. Big game for big boy like me. im so happeh i love kpop. this is berk hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ^_^ :3 :o

2.5.2024

Theres something so sickeningly sweet about putting a string of words together in your head and writing them down, even if you don't really know what it means

I kind of want to make a new html for some of my writing. I mostly write essays and opinion pieces, but i think it could be fun to post some of my poetry on here, if you guys like that stuff

Im not the biggest fan of poetic analysis myself, as i dont enjoy having to pull apart the seams of someone's work, but I like writing it. I dunno, its weird. I think i turn more towards poetry because its like writing lyrics, but without having to think about the harmonies and melodies n shit.

You think poetry takes a lot of brain power, but it shouldnt, like, it should just be something inate. something you already know but havent found the words for yet. Does that make sense??

I was thinking a lot about this last night, idk, maybe the worms are eating away at my brains

I think ill make the html :3

2.2.2024

ught theres a pep rally today gonna KMS!!!!!!!!!!!

I brought my headphones so i dont die of autism bc id rather just die of cancer. sryt hat is so insensitive wtf. Ive been so mean lately bro i just feel horrendous

Like i vented yestrday and just said i hated everyone and wanted all my friends dead??? like fucking wHAT i love them so much why would i say that??

I didnt mean it, but i hate thining that cuz ugrfhsja i just feel so bad and i say words ugh. i love my fridns i lovoe you guys

1.30.2024

uhhhhhokay. not a lot to update on tbh but ill see what i can do

Been doing a lot of photowork recently. As in, using photos i took to draw/create art with. Its something ive been pretty interested in, honestly, id like to get better at photography to improve the quality of my photos

I take pix just about everytime we go out now, so that i have stuff to use later on. Cuz a few months ago I ran out of photos so I wasnt sure what to do-

I have world mytho homework but lowkey,, im not feeling it. I just dont wanna, if im being so fr.

Itz nothing hard i just dont wanna xP

I posted sum mentally ill art on deviantart and ppl keep asking if im okay. Ya im fine. Dont worry. Its just a vent piece abt some stuff im working thru still. Old stuff, for the most part

I shouldnt have posted it. I hate people knowing that part about me. But at the same time I like that they care

Maybe im just really selfish. is that okay to admit??

1.29.2024

Putting on a puppet show for my class

later tho

we are recreating a taino legend about the bat

dont have much to say, bye

1.25.2024

hey divaaaaa

just arrived at the slaytion

Bout to hotbox the stall and shit on the mothertoilet!

1.24.2024

I deleted another account. I believe in full internet transparency, but if I didnt delete it, i wouldnt be able to start the recovery journey :,)

I feel free now, idk. Im really proud. Like i said, doing a full detox from my phone this weekend, only thing ill do online prob is just play COTL and stream Fionna and Cake for my friends. Im not feeling good and ughhh

My scars have gotten to the point where i can start to see them again. They usually fade away and then come back. urghhhhhh im not ready for this right now. i dont need reminders dude i feel like shit

sooooooooooooo yea thats all i got for today. im not even mad or sad or anxious. I just feel like nothing. Byeee

1.22.2024

I am in a shitty mindset and i am not feeling good. I reinstalled reddit last night just to vent on my burner and now freaks are dming me urgh. fuuuuck hate my life guys I HATE IT ALLLLL

On the bright side. uh. idk i dont actually have anything ermmm. I cant focus and i have to do my world mytho project by tomorrow bc i dont even know when its due, tbh.

Im gonna personalise the slides with my own art, if its cute enough maybe ill post an edited version here (by edited i mean it wont show my deadname)

Anyway I think im gonna do a full detox from my phone this weekend. Not from the internet, bc thats how i talk to my friends on weekends, but just from my phone. And I might make myself regress, and being on my phone when i regress sucks ass

thats all i got for now, love u babes :3

1.18.2024

I MENT TO BRING MY RULER TO SCHOOL TODAY BUT I FORGOT DAMNITTTTT

I have to measure our LED board thing so I can make a casing for it. Maybe. Idk ive never done 3d printing before. sigh :/

Ill have to ask the dude in my class to borrow the LEDs so i can measure it properly. URHGHGHF im so anxious ive never done printing before GOD.

1.17.2024

My ribs hurt so bad urhgurhgush...... Im wearing my binder for the first time in like. A week, actually, cuz the last time I worse it was on the 10th. I havent worn it since bc I wore it for like 6 hours more than I had expected to and it really started to hurt.

I guess ive not fully recovered tho? because jesus christ im hurting really bad. I might just take it off, tbh. I dont have an extra top tho ermmm idk. Maybe ill tough it out just until I get home.

Im NOT feeling like permanent rib damage tho so idk

1.11.2024

I was genuinely so tired last night, i wasnt sure if id actually be able to finish the comic update. But luckily i was able to cram last minute and update at around 10pm!!

Had to update from my phone because I was just so tired,, didnt wanna get up and get my pc just for a few lines of code :,) Anywya hope we fuck with the update, I plan to start working on the next one tonite

1.10.2024

Its my abuela's birthday today so everyone say happy birthday!!!!!

Im actually working on my comic again (bet u forgot abt fsr.. its ok cuz so did i HELP) so expect an update TODAY. THATS RIGHT. IM UPDATING TODAY. WOOO

So excited to get this update out because i feel awful that ive been procrastinating on it for ages. Its mostly filler, if im being so honest, but I just really need to get back into the flow of it. Plus ive gotten most my school work squared away so ive got time

I need 2 make a card for my abuela so thats my priority once i get home, but after that, im hard workin on the last bit of colouring for the next panel. Then im immediately drafting the next update so i dont get behind again. Sorry for the 3 month hiatus, like, genuinely. I hate getting off schedule and i hate keeping people waiting.

Thats abt all i got for 2day, gonna finish my python work and then maybe surf the melonland forum/read crow cillers for a bit. byeee

1.6.2024

sorry the other post ended so abruptly erm i had to shut my computer and I just finished the update today LMAOO i forgot was i was gonna say so I just ended it

ANYWAYYY ITS MY FAV HOLIDAY IM SO HAPPY!!! FELIZ DIA DE LOS REYES MAGOS <33 JHHDJAHUF ITS MY FAV HOLIDAY EVER IM JUST SO HAPPYYYY

Im currently sitting on the couch listening to spotify on the tv, laying in a SUPER SOFT Bluey blanket I got from los tres reyes!!! I also got a MBIKMB canvas poster and a sketchbook :3

My dad wants me to do chores, so im doing my schoolwork instead to buy some time for myself (I dont wanna chore.)

Oki thats all byebye babes love u guys

1.5.2024

guys i didnt overdose we are alive and thriving.

I had 2 do a programming presentation today ughhheh and i had to carry the team. I did all the talking bro it was so scary idec. Okay uhm bye

1.4.2024

bro isteh second day of school and im already tweaking hfcuk help me dude.

LIKE JESSSSUSSSSS MANNNNN my hands r shaking s bad and im like. DUDE. DUUUDE im so fidgety and like like DUDE.

Im not on crack im just very caffinated GHFJEGAD DUDE. 250 MG OF CAFFINE IS IN MY BODY RN IM DYING

I looked it up so imnot like. overdosing.t but im gonna be rlly anxious and have headaches and stomach aches and shitlike that so YEA. IM SO HYPER RN GUYS PLEAJSKHEFGFKJ Bye!!!!!!!!! I have comp programming work to do and imso excited :33

1.3.2024

WOO BACK AT SCHOOL!!! Im in computer programming 2 rn. we arent rlly doing much since its the first day,, so im reading crow cillers in class CUZ THEY UNBLOCKED IT AGAIN!!

It was blocked sometime in november so this is a total fuckin win. Im on a desktop (dell) for comp programming, and this keyboard sucks ass. so y typingmight be supepr bad whn i update from here. Im not used to such a skwewed keyboared- all the letters are on the left side

I havent done python in a while so im lowkey nxious,, but its chill i got it

ok backt o class bye im hungry

1.1.2024

Happy New Years babes :3

Wishing you all the greatest <3

I know this isnt the happiest update I could bring. But im in a bit of a weird mood right now. I mentioned this before, but my dog, Lilly, was pretty sick. We ended up having to put her down on the 29th,, so yea.

I guess im not really thinking about it. In the sense that, im not really processing it properly, but yea. Just thought I should update with that

Here's some pix of her that I took during her last morning with us.